there, there baby, its just textbook stuff its in the ABC of growing up now, now darling, oh dont loose your head 'cause none of us were angels and you know i love you

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it was only recently that i realised my pragmatic ways severely interfered my perceptions of love. so much so that it was only through my second take at a relationship that i found out how sweet love is.

ive always thought that as long as i protect me, i wouldnt need t worry about love. cause love, is sth that is given by d other party. while i can show love by just being there when they need me, just like how i do t d rest of my friends. but no. it finally dawned on me that there are reasons why d boyfriend does what he does, mainly love.

what defines love. i still do not know. ive shoved d thought all d way back deciding that as long as i dont let my insecurities and vulnerabilities get d better of me, id be fine dealing w love. little did i know that there's nothing t deal w in love. in fact, by doing so, ive become more insecure and vulnerable, i felt more selfish and afraid, for d wall that i built up didnt work as well as i thought it would. and getting rid of it worked better.

d boyfriend is a determined boy. in fact, he wasnt put down by all d nonsense ive put up against him. haha. i laugh at d image of myself quarrelling w him over small itty bitty gritty stuffs over d past year. ive focussed too much on d negative, it clouded my view of d boy that did so much for me. he's still there, no matter how bad my week was, not that we dont quarrel. we do. and when we do, it gets so bad cause i dont back down. but he's still there for me, t listen between my sobs and snivels, and he'd patiently reason w my stubborness. that's love.

d familiar smile d familiar twinkle in his eyes d familiar smell d familiar wrinkle of his nose as he tries t act goodlooking/cute/shy.. his face is always lit w d smile when i meet him; after sch, after work, during dance, after bookout, when he opens d door for me, when he waits for me at d bus stop cause im late (even if he's pissed) and more. its been d same smile that makes me feel so welcomed and glad t be near, since d time we started dating or rather kinda liked each other. even til now. and i take comfort in it, i guess that's why i look forward t meeting him. i guess i take these tiny little things for granted, for my moods and emotions are like a roller coaster, i meet and greet him according t my day. it's unfair isnt it? i should start changing. haha! but i suppose that's love.

i cant believe im tearing as im writing this. for today's entry isnt d usual short chirpy chirpy cheep cheeps. HAHA SO SCHIZO HEW THIS POST IS FOR YOU (: dont be jealous even though its shared.. :/

now, id like t apologise t one more person.
and that is d ex boyfriend.
im sorry i was mean t you.
i was told t be that way.
but im glad it's all over now.
cause all i wanted was for us t put it behind us.
continue t walk on ahead w our heads up high,
able t look at each other in d eye and say that we're friends.
tugging at my heartstrings,
im glad t say that i dont have t hide behind hellos.
and hopefully conversations wont turn out
as bad as d last time already.
(:

Labels: loves, photolog, thorns

multiply time by letting it go.

i read this quote somewhere online. and i realised that it's true. time flies if you let it go. it's just d same w d heart, only when you let d hurt go will it start healing. ohwells.

i miss my boyfriend. he's outfield-ing and having sit test somewhere in d midst of tekong. and im entrusted w d task of booking d holiday trip in dec. which i so suck at.. i dont even dare t call up those tour agencies :/ what a loser.. oh well. i think i shall just search then tell him d price on thurs! hope he doesnt get a heart attack at what little info ive gotten..

i just bathed and i feel happy clean and sunflower fresh (: and i had a whole prata by myself!! whoooo. hopefully my throat is stronger than i think. dont wanna be coughing t my death tmr. anyhows, i think my colleague is influencing me w hillsong. HAHA it's not a bad thing but its kinda distracting. i miss my poly friends.

okbye.

Labels: random

sheeshkebabs. keep coughing.
and my brains have prolly been juiced out alr..
today was a horrid day at work, i couldnt focus at all ):

ohwell. hmms. might be going t bangkok/pattaya this dec.
cant wait!! (: i LOVE holidays.
i cant believe im looking forward t hols.
ive never been so hyped up for a holiday since like ive started work.

WAVES 14 was fantastic. well done everyone.
sincerely hope we'd be able t do more in d following years t come.
props t allen and d waves comm for d last min up in standards.
it really brought SDZ together as one.
nevertheless, hope this spirit keeps up and continue t be stronger throughout.

kenny ehhh!! i miss you! whahaha! faster faster meet up soon leh.
where's my lao le!! (((: we should go sakura again!

i miss you. i miss d mornings where you kiss my cheeks just before you leave for work, i miss d nights when you'd slip into bed next t me after your game of dota or cs. i miss d times that we will crack our heads t find a movie t watch. i miss d time we sat by d side of d play pool at d top of vivo and had burger king. i miss d days when youd wait at d playground cause there isnt anymore bus and id sneak out t play w you.

a tonne of misses in this post.

work is still draining. cant wait for waves though (: i hope i dont OT so much ): but seems like i might have it this week. it's really bad cause its affecting me real bad. i need t buck up damn it. really need t get all d steps into my system and start feeling d dance ): so irritated at myself. i love dance. i dont understand why i cant get it. so annoying.

argh. work tmr.. okbye.

Labels: misses, rants

ive got cough ):
it's really bad and i dont like it.
two more weeks t waves!! (:
if only i dont have work ))):
it's really kinda draining..
by d time i reach fri, im really kinda out of energy.
it's just great that i have nice ppl t talk t there.
and it's nice t get d boyfriend's call at night,
hear his voice and tell him all about my boring day.
i wonder if it bores him though.
il be having dance everyday from tmr onwards,
with d exception of sunday.
and d boyfriend's going outfield this week..
and he hopes t get guard duty..
which means i prolly wont see him for two weeks..
and i certainly hope he'd be able t book out on fri,
in time t watch waves (:

d new committee, i hope, gets better after d talk that day.
maybe im protective of my moderners, i dont think theyre at fault.
however, in general, d whole committee needs t pull up their socks.
i feel for lum and jan. theyre like d only ones left who really care about d club.
in fact, theyre d ones who never stopped caring.
i wonder why some of d ppl in d committee dont see that.
stop thinking about yourselves and how YOU will feel good about things.
start thinking about d club and how d CLUB can be brought t greater heights.
perhaps it's really all due t a different mindset.
such that dance is now a trend, not a passion.

Labels: misses, rants, thorns

im having my FTT tmr and im scared ):

so irritating
dont like this kinda feeling.
i have that unprepared and i might fail kind.
lets hope im just thinking too much.

and i miss d boyfriend
he's not feeling well.. so am i.. AGAIN ):
i keep falling ill since ive started work
im beginning t think that my work envt is quite bad.
bleh. may be d ventilation that's why it isnt clean room anymore!!

i cant wait t start studying.

I STILL HAVE THAT ANNOYING FEELING.
it's really creeping up on me that ominous kinda blehhhhh feeling yknw?

okbye!

Labels: rants

sha asked me a qns just d other day.

he asked what is d most memorable/romantic thing in d rship.
it took me sometime t think it through and give him a reply.
surprisingly, it was only until i reached home, just before i went t bed,
that i could come up w a reply.

he felt that i was losing my crazycharlotte-ness thus
wanted t remind me how loved i was.

so drained am i of life and spunk that
i cant even remember one of d things closest t my heart..
that was when i realised im so caught up w d word
most other adults are using as an excuse.. busy.

haha. now that aside..

i tried koi bubble tea d other day w my beloved pig.
ooooh. so nice!!! i like. haha!
i made him agree t drink it w me everytime he books out.
haha! poor boy..

ohwell. i realised that life without my boyfriend is boring
when i have no work and no dance and no friends t hangout w.
LIKE TODAY. ): boo. so annoying. hate this kinda nothing t do feeling :/

i cleaned my guinea pig's cage ytd. they are smelly ): BUT THEY ARE SO CUTE! (: haha!

okay bye!

Labels: random

IM BACK! hahaha finally blogging again! (((:

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. dunno what t blog about.
i got myself a baby guinea pig!
schizo chose d tri-coloured one cause it looked cute i guess.

i sent my baby t pasir ris bus interchange tdy!
he doesnt look v smart in d smart 4. he looked like a seaweed.
hmms. well, it was an experience considering i felt like i was stuck in a sea of green.

well.. one of d reasons why i dont blog is cause work is draining.
and there's not much time spent online, much less on msn! ):
HAHA! though somehow i survived without much internet! *beams*

nic's bday was fun!!
cafe del mar w jacuzzi and pool and nice cake
and nice comfy (kinda alright) furniture.
cherie and i were so high even without drinking!
haha! awww! it was fun!
met lotsa ppl there, like d prev GLs! alven!
charleston and lynette were there too!
havent seen them in ages lah!
what a small small world!!!
then shermaine!!! (((: awwwww! silly girl (:
AND THAT KENDY KONG AHHHHHHH haiiii!!!!!!
and of course, d dancers like our chindian pimp! whahahaha!
sha was so cute lah! then vincent was so nonsense. aiyah.
'nuff said, you get what i mean.

d cab back, though, was zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

hehs! okay. damn i miss my boyfriend ):
byebye!

Labels: :D, loves, outdoors, random, sentosa